I haven’t been on my blog for ages! I really need to commit more to it. Anyway, I have been doing a lot of reading these holidays, and have even more books piled up to read. Not to mention countless movies to watch. Too much entertainment, too little time.

I wholeheartedly support Christian fiction. Being a Christian myself, I like that there are books out there published and written by people who love Jesus as much as I do. I also appreciate the fact that I can pick up a Christian Lit book without dreading sex scenes or vulgar language. I personally do not like sex scenes. I have never seen the need for them and I never will.

Anyway, moving on. In Christian Lit, romance is the bestselling genre, and The Red Siren, by M. L Tyndall, contains the very conventions of that genre. I was initially intrigued by the premise: Lady pirate meets godly naval captain. This was sure to be a delight.

It is the year 1718, and Faith Westcott is a fiery redhead saddled with three sisters and an Admiral father who loves the sea more than his daughters. Her mother died years ago and her sister Charity is trapped in a horrible marriage. This turns Faith into a bit of a feminist, and because of the horrible incidents that have happened to her; she vows never to trust God again.

Her father is determined to marry her and her sisters Hope and Grace off to supposedly decent men without their consent, and Faith is determined that this will never happen, thanks to the example of the hapless Charity. She makes a deal with her father to buy herself and her sisters out of the situation. How does she do it? By pirating, of course.

Enter Dajon Waite, a darkly handsome naval captain, comissioned to act as the girls’ guardian while Faith’s father is away. Dajon is less than thrilled; he’s had bad experiences with women before, and he is intent on capturing the legendary female pirate called the Red Siren, who had humiliated him five years ago when she stole his ship. However, Dajon finds himself drawn to Faith’s beauty and confidence, and starts to fall in love with her, despite his solemnly sworn vows.

How Dajon and Faith overcome these obstacles constitutes the major part of the fun in this book.  I did have some quibbles with the novel, however. For instance, I really had to shut my brain off when contemplating Faith as a pirate (piratess?). She had the character and the pluck, but I couldn’t really believe that a whole crew of men would follow a woman so willingly. Tyndall explained that most of the crew were men that Faith had “rescued” from the street or from bad situations, but this didn’t alleviate my doubts. The nitty-gritty details; where Faith had been trained to use the pistol and the cutlass for instance, how she managed to sneak her ship in and out of port without being noticed, how she managed to evade capture for five years despite her fame, and where she had recieved her navigational training, were not in the book. This of course, lead to a gap in credibility. I felt that the author had forsaken these important essentials in order to get to the romance.

And that’s another issue. The romance isn’t very, well, romantic. I get the impression that Faith and Dajon fall in love just because they find the other incredibly attractive. There was no bantering conversation, no little moments to illustrate the progress of their relationship. Granted, there was a lot of action and not much time for intimate little moments, but I think that that is not a worthy excuse. While I liked the couple, I didn’t empathise with them or give my whole heart to them. Elizabeth Bennet and Fitzwilliam Darcy they are not.

On the whole, I give this book 3 out of 5 stars. It wasn’t bad; there were times when I laughed out loud at Faith’s witticisms, and I become interested in Grace, Faith’s other sister. I’m planning to read The Raven Saint, which is Grace’s story next.

One thing I especially liked was that Tyndall said Dajon reminded her of Richard Armitage, one of my favourite actors. Ahh… Richard candy…

I stared at the odd tableau for a full five minutes, noting the plastic spears and bits of rope and anchors that were hung around the mannequins. My first thought was that this looked awfully familiar. Then, as my gaze slowly travelled downwards ( I am delayed, I know), I caught sight of five paperback books with the title Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, while there was another poster at the bottom announcing the “anticipated” release of Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters.

Of course! I wish I could have taken a picture of that to post here, but I don’t think I would have been allowed to. Sighs! I think the madness over pulverizing Jane Austen’s fiction is rather a bore. After all the hype over PP&Z, I was hoping for some peace, but with the galvanizing sounds of “cha ching!” ringing over their ears, the publishers have decided to continue with the merciless slaughter.

Whatever is next I wonder? The Mummy of Mansfield Park? Persuasion and Poseidon? Lady Susan, Succubus? Emma Enchanted?

Really, originality seems to be dying a slow, torturous death.

I was amused on observing that he appeared very caught up in the novel, so much so that he didn’t even glance up until he reached his stop. In fact, when I was reading Ivanhoe, I would almost miss my bus stops, the book was so exciting. I badly wanted to run over and ask him what he thought of the book, but of course, I didn’t want to look like a fool so I didn’t.

Well, it’s nice to know that I’m not the only person in this town that loves Ivanhoe. It really is a great read!

Oh, and I have been reading a lot of eighteenth-century literature these past few days, which is why I have started to write in this fashion. I think I shall post a review of Robinson Crusoe when I am done with it. I have only fifty or so pages to go. It’s a really interesting read so far.

Adios for now!

From,

The Girl who Secretly Wishes to Found an Ivanhoe Fan Club

Medieval fashion for high born women seemed to be composed of long, drapy robes, as evinced by the description of Rowena in Ivanhoe:

1. Her profuse hair, of a colour betwixt brown and flaxen, was arranged in a fanciful and graceful manner in numerous ringlets, to form which art had probably aided nature. These locks were braided with gems, and, being worn at full length, intimated the noble birth and free-born condition of the maiden. A golden chain, to which was attached a small reliquary of the same metal, hung round her neck. She wore bracelets on her arms, which were bare. Her dress was an under-gown and kirtle of pale sea-green silk, over which hung a long loose robe, which reached to the ground, having very wide sleeves, which came down, however, very little below the elbow. This robe was crimson, and manufactured out of the very finest wool. A veil of silk, interwoven with gold, was attached to the upper part of it, which could be, at the wearer’s pleasure, either drawn over the face and bosom after the Spanish fashion, or disposed as a sort of drapery round the shoulders.
   
   If you haven’t fallen soundly asleep during this (rather) long description, let me list the more salient points:

• Long, heavy chains with large metal pendants constituted as the main jewellry.
• Arms could be left bare, and adorned with many bracelets.
• Medieval gowns were long and loose, with “bell” sleeves which came down below the elbow.

Note that this is a description of a high-born lady, I do not have time to go over what each class in medieval england wears.

Now how to translate that into modern life? Admittedly, wearing floor-length gowns isn’t quite the answer, especially in inclement weather. And the majority of us are NOT high-born ladies!

Here are a few pictures to give you a general idea of the med-modern look:

I would wear tops with bell sleeves as they are still sold in shops, and in colours I consider “medieval”, moss-green, dark brown, peacock-blue and deep red. Since medieval clothes are loose and flowy, I would also wear long gypsy skirts, or elegant black pants. Top it off with a long chain and you’re ready to rock the medieval look for any time and any place!

I love these renaissance ankle boots! They are so cute! I think if I can pair these boots with a flowing shirt, I will look like a female medieval pirate, even though there was no such thing.

This picture I found on Polyvore shows what I have in mind:

Personally I would ditch the red pants and add in place dark wash skinny jeans, as I feel red pants are a little too flashy for me.

It makes me wonder if I truly can survive without a laptop. I’m reading Robinson Crusoe right now ( the original version) and I’m planning to post a review on it later on. Now that I have my laptop back, I should be posting with more frequency!

Unfortunately an errand I had to run this weekend took me into Sephora, wittily called the “candy store for women”. Yeah, right. Here is the sad scene:

I walk in. Bright lights! Makeup, makeup, makeup! “Wipe that dazed look from your eyes child, and pretend you are the classy sort of woman who considers Sephora her second home!”

Instinctively obeying my grandmotherly inner voice, I weave through the crowds of excited girls and blush-sampling women and finally find a quiet row. Ah, Clinique. Now that’s a name I’ve seen in old magazines found in the gym. Concealer, mascara, lipstick- wait why am I hanging around here? I’m supposed to be achieving my purpose! The sooner I can do that the sooner I get out of this so-called candy store! And didn’t the candy  house in Hansel and Gretel harbour a witch with cannibal tastes?

More than a little shaken, I try to find a shop assistant that is

1. Sympathetic
2. Not monopolised by anybody

I find a suitable girl, but she takes me to someone else who towers over me and glares at me with her perfectly mascaraed eyes. No! Don’t leave me to the mercy of-

” How can I help you?”

” Er- I need-,” I stammer, then blurt out what I have come for. She picks out a tube and applies it to my hand.

” How is that?” she asks, regarding me with hawk eyes.

” Er- splendid! It matches my skin!”

“That’s why I picked it.”

” Oh. Um- wow, it doesn’t cake!” And the price isn’t too bad either, I think, sneaking a peek at the sticker. Oh heavens. She’s looking at me as if she doesn’t quite know what I’m doing here. Come to think of it, even I don’t know what I’m doing here.

” I’ll take it,” I say with a rush, and snatch the tube out of her hand. I arrive at the counter, and hand my purchase to the pretty ( perfectly made-up of course) girl.

” That will be -,” she names a sum.

I start digging in my old orange wallet that I recieved for free two years ago. I really must get something that doesn’t look like the dog’s chew toy. I hand the money over to her. Only a few more seconds and I’m free!

” Nweoiuerngsyoijgwera,” the girl says. I stare at her.

” What?”

” I said, are you on Beauty Insiders?” she repeats impatiently. Beauty Insiders? Is this some sort of cult?

” Er- no,” I say.

” Are you over sixteen?” she asks.

“Yes,” I say, thinking, I must look really young if she’s asking that sort of question.

” Then do you want to consider joining Beauty Insiders? You recieve-,”

” No thanks,” I say in a rush, afraid she’ll ask for my email address and then I’ll be plagued with spam for the rest of my life. I pick up the bag and rush out of the store, nearly colliding with a teenage girl testing lipstick on her hand.

Once out, I breathe a sigh of relief. My heart is still pumping a mile-a-minute, and I need to go someplace where I feel safe. Like the bookstore. Unfortunately I am due somewhere else, and as I board my bus I start thinking about how I really much prefer a bookstore to a make-up store.

I have never felt lost in a bookstore. Maybe I do get a little lost as to which book I should choose from the seven hundred in front of me, but a bookstore is my third home. The library is my second home lol. In a bookstore I know where I am and more importantly, I know what to do. I don’t become tongue-tied or distracted. And the sales assistants are always extremely helpful when I ask them to show me the latest editions of the classics, or clarify a price for me. The bookstore makes me happy, and I guess it is my  candy store.

From,

The Girl Who has Yet to Know What Purpose Mascara Serves in Life

Since this blog deals with books I feel are unloved, I have chosen Ivanhoe simply because it is the one book I have read recently that didn’t have much information ( or reviews) about it. Or maybe I didn’t troll Google hard enough. Well whatever it is, I have decided to exorcise my annoyance that no one seems to have realised what a great book this is and write a review.

Ivanhoe is Adventure.

I hope that will win an award for Shortest Book Review Ever. What do you think? Just joking, I am going to write more of course.

Ivanhoe is set in medieval times, during the era where Robin Hood and his Merry Men reigned supreme in Sherwood Forest. Robin himself is one of the characters in the novel, but I’m getting ahead of myself. Ivanhoe is written by Sir Walter Scott ( not to be confused with Sir Walter Raleigh), during the early 19th century ( I believe the novel was published in 1818).

Anyway, boring historical information aside…:)

Ivanhoe is a tale of the principal character, Sir Wilfrid of Ivanhoe, who at the beginning of the novel is banished from his father’s home we are told, for having the presumption for falling in love with his cousin, the beautiful Lady Rowena. Now all this would have been fine and dandy, for what can be more natural than two pretty people falling in love with each other? But Cedric the Saxon, Wilfred’s father, is furious because as Lady Rowena is his ward, he intends to marry her off to someone else and crown her Queen of the Saxons, since England was ruled by the Normans at that time. So if this sounds oddly complicated, think about it this way. Cedric wants to rule England since he considers it his right, and the Normans had only been around for a hundred years or more, while the Saxons have been around for much longer.

Unfortunately his son stood in the way of this admirable dream, so Cedric plays the stern father and banishes his son from his ancestral home ( I presume forever).

To try and paraphrase the plot would take rather a long time, as the book is so full of twists and turns and what I will call “interludes”, scenes which don’t seem to play any major part in the story but are funny and light ( King Richard’s meeting with Little John for instance).

The main characters are:

 Ivanhoe, who I fancy looks a lot like Ben Barnes, but with blond hair and blue eyes (he’s a pure blooded Saxon remember?)

Rebecca the Jewess

Rowena, Ivanhoe’s ladylove

Robin Hood

Cedric the Saxon

King Richard

… And the list goes on. Like I said, it’s a rather large cast.

So why read the book?

I’m sure many people will have passed over this novel, thinking that the period language is too old fashioned to translate into modern day sense. I admit, even I, experienced as I am in historical novels, took a while to adjust to the book. But rest assured, they don’t use “Thee” and “Thine” in every sentence. And the period language is actually fun because the characters trade insults with the most beautiful of words. Scott’s style is light and witty, and I laughed through the whole book.

Ivanhoe would make a great movie, and we desperately need a medieval movie in these times of cheesy summer blockbusters. It has a thrilling tournament where all the knights joust, a kidnapping, subsequent rescuing, witch-burning, and some battle scenes. This book definitely kept me on my toes, and several scenes sent my heart racing and my hands trembling as I absorbed those scenes of tense battle and near-death experiences.

Ivanhoe is a great example of a perfect Adventure novel, spiced with romance and peppered with comedy. Oddly enough, the book’s hero is rather a non-entity. Ivanhoe himself seems to be nothing be a good-looking, chivalrous knight who will save any damsel in distress. But the book’s other characters are more interesting and make up for Ivanhoe’s lack of personality, which doesn’t really matter much, since he doesn’t have many lines in the novel.

I also enjoyed seeing some of my favourite characters from history pop up, Robin Hood for instance, and King Richard the Lionheart. King Richard is portrayed very well here, his character in the novel is funny and whimsical, though a tad stubborn at times.

I am planning to watch the A & E movie version of the novel, though I know it won’t be as good as the novel itself. I’ll post a review of the movie when I’m done watching it.

I advise searching in second hand bookshops for the novel, or if you’re like me and you spend half your life in front of the internet, I suggest you check out the Online Books Page. They have pure text and an illustrated HTML of Ivanhoe. And if you’re not satisfied with the ending, I also suggest you check out William Thackeray’s Rebecca and Rowena: A Romance upon Romance at the same site, which is a light mockery of Ivanhoe itself.

 Until then!

From,

Your Defender of Books, Advocate for those worn, editions tossed out in the box at the Annual Library Sale